It’s June 2017.
Jo and I are travelling from Faro to Seville. We’ve just reached our one year anniversary of being a couple, preceded by four-and-a-half years of being in various degrees of love with each other. Through some miracle we have managed years of long distance friendship and travel, and then, finally, a relationship.
It’s been a year, but it doesn’t feel like it. Brexit happened only weeks after we got together and it shook us both. We haven’t figured out yet which country to live in, let alone everything else. I moved to Liverpool, then moved back. I feel the aching sense that I want to be with her, but it’s hard, so hard. We are stuck, turning circles around each other and our relationship.
We talk about everything and nothing, wandering through bright blue Faro, then the sand-coloured squares of Seville. It’s in a restaurant there, tucked away in some small street, that I say it.
“After I have my degree, I plan on having a baby.”
I already know it’s too much while I announce it, in-between the white linen tablecloths and overly large, thin-edged wine glasses. But I desperately want a point in the distance that is clear for both of us. Something we can live towards, something sure and wonderful.
I want to be bold because when I’m without her I obsess and plan mercilessly. I want to know what will happen, what we will be. I want to leaf through the book and see the final pages just to read her name there and know that it worked out. But at the same time I lie awake each night, dreaming up a dozen nightmares for us. There’s so much that’s hard, so much that we need to think about that straight-couples-from-the-same-town just don’t.
And then I say things like that in restaurants.
I instantly hope she doesn’t run away screaming, because I probably deserve it after putting that on her. But she has much more patience than I deserve, and over time, she asks on. We talk about it.
And as it turns out, that’s how we work. I shock her, and then she comes back to me later and says ‘right, tell me about this.’ So I do.
We have talked, and dreamed, and weighed it up for about a year, and well… Yes. It’s a yes.
Let’s have a baby!
Huge decision but after having talked about it for two years you should have made it the right one for you both.
As a mum of a 7yo daughter I can say a child is the biggest challenge but it’s also so rewarding to have her in our lives. :D
Oh, and I’ve got a colleague who and her wife are mothers of three. If you want, everything’s possible.
Good luck for becoming mums and having a baby!
You’re our first commenter, whoo! *dances a little*
Thank you so much for your good wishes! We know it’s quite a life-changing thing we’re taking on here, but it is great to have so many options out there for us. Hopefully we can find the right one and make this dream into a reality!
First – what a LOVELY pair you make!! Love the pictures. :)
Secondly – your writing is gorgeous as usual.
And finally – I’m sending you all the best and can’t wait to follow you on this exciting journey!!!
Aw, thank you! :D I’m really glad you like the writing as well *blush* Hopefully we will have lots of stories to fill this blog with as time goes on!
Hurrah for baby planning! And how appropriate that the conversation started on one of your amazing trips. I’m happy you two are feeling aligned on this issue and looking forward to the journey. M.
It’s so exciting to start this ‘for real’!! And yes, we do love to do our dreaming like that… Thank you for reading, I appreciate it!
Congrats & success! I’m part of a queer (and poly) couple as well, and we’re starting our baby-journey in August, with our first appointment in the fertility clinic in UZ Gent. Looking forward to updates from you two! (Nele, I’m not sure when I see the pictures, but I think we’ve already met :-))
Hi, yes, we have met before :) Great that you found our blog! We had an appointment at the UZ last month, they are lovely people and seem really supportive, so don’t stress too hard (I know I did! ;))