We’re in Barcelona. We have always loved this city, so it seems only logical that it would be here, on our same turquoise sofa where we first said that we loved each other… that we are sitting now, selecting sperm donors.
Oh, what changes in a few years!
I have looked through literally hundreds of profiles in the last months. Jo doesn’t have the patience to scroll through every single one, so I picked out my favourite twelve and brought their information along.
We hesitantly get going and study ADORABLE baby pictures. Hair colour, height, weight, education. Then we listen to their voices, compare accents and family trees, hobby’s and dislikes.
It’s hard to cut anyone at first, because where do you start? What makes one donor better than the other?
We stop for a break of delicious croissants, our favourite tapas, a walk by the sea. And then it’s back to it, these donors don’t choose themselves!
No one overly religious.
No one with allergies.
No police officers or anyone who did voluntary military service.
It becomes such an odd concept when you narrow it down to these details that make up a human being. How much does it matter that someone doesn’t have a favourite book? (A lot, it turns out. After some discussion we agree that neither of us can live with that.)
Do we care about whether they play sports? Whether they’re musical? Or is it more important that both sets of their grandparents are still alive? It’s oddly like an online dating profile, only this is all about the healthy genes and whatever possible traits they might pass on.
It’s easy to look at it as a game too, something fun we’re doing together. But then again it’s so important I don’t even want to fully contemplate the ramifications. It feels as if we are choosing potential children by choosing these donors, and that’s just too much to think about.
So we sit in the sun and laugh. We share a litre of sangria. We ride a huge rollercoaster. All of these were on my pre-pregnancy bucket list – things to do before baby bump!
And after much discussion, we narrow it down to three sperm donors. We leave Barcelona with their pictures on our minds, not quite ready to commit to one, but inching towards it.
One step closer to doing this <3