“Wow, you look huge!” “Well, you’ve packed on weight!” “Every time I see you you’ve gained some more!”
….Suddenly some people have started to comment loudly, extensively, and continuously on my body. Even after I say that I don’t appreciate it. Even after I politely ask them to please stop it with the comments. I’ve had them continue on to argue with me, “No but it’s true, you’ve really gained weight, I can see it!”
*look of evil* Of course you can bloody see it, there’s an entire human being growing inside of me!
Most of the time I enjoy my newly watermelon-sized belly. It’s weird but in a hilarious sort of way. I do look somewhat ridiculous naked, as if I’m about to topple over. But then… comments like that make me feel so insecure. Do I look that bad? It’s the way it’s said as well, so gleeful, the more I argue and squirm about it, the more they want to tell me exactly how massive I am.
Another classic is the stories. “My cousin/friend/acquaintance didn’t have a belly at all/didn’t gain any weight/was still able to button up their jeans at nine months.” Well… nice for them I guess? I never know what to say to that. Thank you for telling me this fascinating fact?
The thing is though, weight gain in pregnancy is normal. It’s expected. You HAVE to gain weight.
I actually lost a lot of weight in the first trimester. Every time I weighed myself the numbers went lower and lower, to the lowest weight I have been as an adult. I discovered the shapes of bones under my skin I didn’t even know I had. And it was scary! Knowing I was pregnant, that there was this little thing inside of me desperately needing all kinds of nutrients that I wasn’t able to provide for felt horrible, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I was deeply grateful when I was able to eat normally again. In my second trimester I gained back all the weight I had lost, and then more. The scale is climbing steadily every week now and that’s exactly what it is meant to do. My body is doing the hardest job it is ever going to do and it needs the nutrients for it. it’s not only growing a baby, but also a placenta, amniotic fluid, my blood supply has gone up by 50%, and then there are some boobs as well. None of those bits are negotiable.
So if we’re talking about that cousin/friend/acquaintance, I feel bad for them. Were they ill all through pregnancy? Because no weight gain means that in fact they lost an enormous amount of fat and probably muscle, and that that was replaced by the weight of the baby and related bits.
So no, I’m fine with my glorious bump. And I’m fine with all the weight that’s undoubtedly still coming, too.
But to the people making those remarks? For fucks sake, pregnancy is not a blanket permission for body shaming. Please take a second to think of how you sound, and if you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all! Really, the world won’t end because you didn’t get to comment on how fat I look, I promise.
Also, if it happens ONE MORE TIME I might resort to actual physical violence, just so you’re all warned. *pregnant lady grumble*
Three things:
1. You look absolutely terrific.
2. Don’t let people make you insecure about the way you look. It’s not worth it, and there’s no reason to feel insecure because you really *do* look absolutely terrific. And if physical violence is necessary, then please use it.
3. You look absolutely terrific.
I very much approve of this comment *laughs*
Seriously though, it doesn’t matter how big my bump is or isn’t, pregnancy is hard enough as it is, we should all just try to be kind to one another! …and if not then I WILL start hitting people. *shakes fist*
People suck. I don’t get why they can be so oblivious?! And why people feel like their opinion on how someone else’s body looks is valid and wanted.
I wouldn’t know how to respond. ‘Thanks you look great too’ ‘oh really? I hadn’t noticed’ like what do they expect?
Deep breaths I guess. People sill say and do really stupid things and I hope one day they realise this. As you said you are doing the hardest thing your body has done so far. It’s a really powerful thing. You are beautiful. Screw the haters.
At first I tried to respond with something like ‘I don’t appreciate you saying something like this about me. It makes me feel bad. Could you please not say anything negative?’ But then I’ve gotten the arguments back that I really do look fat, and that I shouldn’t take it badly because it’s only the truth. So now I just get really snappy with a ‘oh gee, THANKS!’ *laughs* I do know it’s not always meant that badly, but people don’t seem to have a politeness filter when it comes to pregnancy. You’re right, screw them! *eats chocolate aggressively*
How are you doing with your plans? (if you feel comfortable saying that is :))
I’ve been to my first appointment, psych and doctor. It went pretty quickly. The psychologist took maybe 25 minutes and I don’t feel like I had to say a lot? Basic questions like why do you want to be a mum and about my social network so that was fine. He advised me on being honest towards my child when questions came and general difficulties people who are single face, like letting go enough so other people can help and stuff. . Both him and the doctor said they didn’t see any reason why not to take on my case but I not know officially until next Tuesday. They have a staff meeting on Friday. I felt pretty calm which I hadn’t expected. Nerves before I left but once I was there it was fine. It helped that no one made me feel like I couldn’t do it or that it was strange in any way. They just confirmed ‘you are single?’ I said yes and that was it. I could ask my questions so that was good. Now I just wait for the news and for my period so they can see whether or not my tubes are in good health. So one step further! :)
Wow that’s awesome, it sounds like it went so smooth and easy! You must have made a great first impression :). I hope they come back to you with good news and that the next bit goes just as well! Do you have any social media somewhere where you are posting about it? If so I’d love to follow along!
I haven’t told a lot of people but I have been thinking about blogging about it. I will let you know as soon as I post somewhere!
When you’re pregnant, for some reason people think your body is in the public domain. Your body is doing the incredible work of growing a human being, and is looking fantastic doing it. <3
Yes, exactly, suddenly it’s a free-for-all and people are saying things they never would say to a non-pregnant woman. It’s very odd. Thank you! <3